Do You Need Validation?

The question is not whether we have an audience but which audience we have.

Most of us look outside ourselves for validation.  

We want other people to approve of us so we can feel okay.

 This was clarified when Oprah Winfrey was asked to give the commencement speech at Harvard University and she spoke to this phenomenon.  She said, “I have to say that the single most important lesson I learned in 25 years talking every single day to people, was that there is a common denominator in our human experience. Most of us, I tell you we don’t want to be divided. What we want, the common denominator that I found in every single interview, is we want to be validated. We want to be understood. I have done over 35,000 interviews in my career and as soon as that camera shuts off everyone always turns to me and inevitably in their own way asks this one question…

 “Was that okay?”

I heard it from President Bush, I heard it from President Obama. I’ve heard it from heroes and from housewives. I’ve heard it from victims and perpetrators of crimes. I even heard it from Beyonce and all of her Beyonceness. She finishes performing, hands me the microphone and says, “Was that okay?” Friends and family, yours, enemies, strangers in every argument in every encounter, every exchange I will tell you, they all want to know one thing: was that okay? Did you hear me? Do you see me? Did what I say mean anything to you?”

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Too often our self-worth is based on what other people tell us about ourselves and not what we can decide for ourselves is true. If embraced, we can provide ourselves with a sense of purpose, excellence and acceptance. However, we must decide to love ourselves first.